Why are we are always pointing a finger at someone else?

Rabbi Dov Peretz Elkins’ book The Wisdom of Judaism is loaded with very useful information. His discussion about “Personal Growth” is based on a quote from the Babylonian Talmud (Bava Metzia 107b): Improve yourself, and only afterward, try to improve others. Below are some quotes from his discussion. I have reformatted the text in a few places to highlight specific points the rabbi made.

Sometimes, when trying to make the point that we need to start with ourselves, I ask people to stretch out their hand and point with their index finger. Then I ask them to notice where the third, fourth and fifth fingers are pointing. . . . There is a wonderful Hasidic tale that illustrates this point. A famous Hasidic rebbe once proclaimed that when he was a young rabbi: his idealistic and romantic goal was to change the world.

After a while, he realized that his aspiration was too grandiose, and so he lowered his expectations and said that he would be satisfied if he could just change his own community.

After a while, realizing that even this goal was too ambitious, he settled for a wish to change his own congregation.

Soon after, seeing that this was not so easily done, he said he would be satisfied if he could change his own family.

When that task became too daunting for him, he finally confessed, “Now my goal is to change only myself, and do you know, I am not so sure anymore if even that is possible!”  

The Talmudic statement we are examining is based on a common human tendency to view all wrongs in the world as the fault of everyone but yourself. To tell the truth, it is much easier to ascribe fault to others than to accept it as our own. . . . We humans are prone to be self-serving, self-focused, and, at bottom, afraid of facing reality.

The easiest way out of our dilemmas is to point a finger and blame others.

According to the Talmud, the wisest way is to face up to the truth and begin the arduous lifelong process of changing ourselves. It is truly amazing what the effect of changing our own behavior can have on another person’s actions. Changing ourselves, after all, is all we can really do. The rest, we hope and pray, will follow.

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